


Stand in the rain.

by Birdy07



Series: Without you (I'm just a sad song) [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Everything is Beautiful and Nothing Hurts, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Logic | Logan Sanders Angst, Logic | Logan Sanders is a Sweetheart, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Good Friend, Sad Logic | Logan Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:27:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24248023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Birdy07/pseuds/Birdy07
Summary: Logan is plagued by the memories or lack there of from days where he didn't have a good life. He tried so hard to box the thoughts, contain them, but then love gets in the way. Funny thing love is, always getting in the way.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Without you (I'm just a sad song) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755484
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	Stand in the rain.

**Author's Note:**

> Depression is a hitch it's literally two in the morning and I'm dead as fuck. Also yes I had an abusive father he was a jerk, so this is dedicated to the fuck him movemoent. Also stand in the rain is a song by superchicks it's so good check it out!!!!

Logan closed his eyes and rubbed at his face, he glanced over at the clock on his night stand, it read an ungodly hour. He didn't understand why he felt like this, there was a burn in his chest but it wasn't physical, it wasn't really there. That was it though, wasn't it? He didn't know why he felt anything. Tears pricked at his eyes, this wasn't real, it couldn't be real. Memories replayed in his head physically causing his body to shake.

Logic, Logan scoffed at his lifes quest. There was nothing logical about crying yourself to sleep because you coudn't remember what your father's fist felt as it pounded into your skin. Crying because you coudn't remember why you thought you deserved every bruise, crying because you believed that lie for so long. He curled into himself rapping his arm around his legs as he released a choked sob that clawed its way out of his lungs. 

"N-no, distract yourself." Logan whispered under his breath he pulled himself up and leaped out of his bed, shoving blankets away and pulling out his phone. He knew repression never really worked, but all the thoughts swirling in his head needed to stop. He laughed, one thing Logan had never been good at was not thinking. He pulled up his contact list and texted Patton.

Falsehood: Hey, are you awake?

Honestly he didn't know what he was expecting, but the lack of answer made Logan's skin crawl as the feeling of empty took residence in his chest once again. Anything. He would give anything to make it stop, this is why he didn't feel things why he couldn't feel things. All because his piece of crap father took a baseball bat to him when he was a child.

And thats why it hurt, why it hurt to breath, to even exist. Logan hit the back of his head against the wall, and slid down taking deep breaths. It was okay, he was safe now, nobody could hurt him he repeated the mantra in his head over and over.

That's punbelivable: yeppers I'm awake kiddo. You okay?

The ping on his phone took away the numb for a moment, giving him something to think about so his mind couldn't wander to the bad stuff. The thoughts that lurked in the far corners of his mind categorized in small boxes that Logan hadn't touched in years. He had a system, there were reasons he had to have a system. His mind was organized chaos, there were reasons his life was planned to a T, and the reasons hurt to think about. So Logan stuffed them into boxes and just didn't think about them.

Falsehood: yeah I'm okay, just can't sleep.

Logan hit his head again, the physical pain was bearable, but the emotion turmoil was to much. He felt like a social pariah, a worthless nothing his parents couldn't even love. A deep breath then he stuffed the thought in a box.

That's punbeliveable: oof I feel that.

Wait, Patton couldn't sleep? But that was bad, that wouldn't do, the tightness in his chest doubled as he searched for answers as to why Patton, the literal ray of sunshine that he was, couldn't sleep. What if... oh God, No... Patton wasn't like Logan... Patton felt things right? He forcibly shoved that thought into a box labeled under 'Oh God help me'.

Falsehood: Are you okay?

The reply was slow to come, but worth the wash of relief that flooded Logan's senses. The relief made the memories of Logan's dad actually disappear into the box that he had been set to live in years prior.

That's punbelivable: yeah I just woke up for a snack but then couldn't get back to sleep. You know me. :)

He considered his answer for a long time, he even considered telling Patton what he was feeling. But feelings were no good without backstory, and backstory was something he could never even consider sharing. He loved Patton, he couldn't worry him..... Love? When the hell did that come up? When the hell did that happen? When the hell did that become an option?

Falsehood: Hey Pat? 

Maybe this would be different, maybe he could reach out and no one would turn away. Maybe the burning in his chest would go away if he just told one person, a person he trusted and cared about, maybe even loved.

That's punbelivable: yeah Lo?

He smiled at the nickname the grip on his chest slowly releasing. Patton often had that effect on his mood.

Falsehood: can I come over?

The reply was instantaneous making Logan smile brightly.

That's punbelivable: of course! Kiddo.

Logan chuckled at his dear friend, and wiped one more time at his eyes feeling just a little more braver than usual. He pulled himself up, cast off his pajamas, and threw on a plain t-shirt and jeans before grabbing his keys and leaping into his car. He thought a lot about what he was going to say, dabbling in small things from his past and even practicing the I love you. A headache pulled its way to the front of his head at the notion of actually sharing a feeling of memory with someone. Logan couldn't even decide if it was exciting or horrifying. He pulled into Patton's drive and let out a small whine. He tried *read failed* to channel his inner Roman and fain confidence, as Patton came out to greet him.

"Hey kiddo! You okay?" His smile brought butterflys to Logan's stomach and a blush to his face. Patton rapped his arms around Logan's body and nuzzled in close his usual tactile self.

" I- I'm not.... I don't... I'm not okay. " Patton pulled away and shot Logan a concerned look, tilting his head in an adorable way. 

"Lo? What's wrong?" His smile faltered " did I do something wrong? " and that absolutely broke Logan's heart he shook his head the second the question was uttered pulling Patton close. 

"I had an epiphany, this evening." The bravery within him dwindling with each moment he didn't just get it out. Patton rapped his arms around Logan's waist and relaxed his head onto the other's shoulder. " I.... P-patton... I. " he was cut off by an interjection from his dearest.

"Lo, it's okay. I love you to." And God if that didn't bring tears. He nodded his head and Patton moved impossibly closer and they kissed, their first kiss in a driveway rain pouring around them, and wasn't that beautiful? Maybe the tightness was still there, and maybe memories still plagued him. But at least he had Patton, and it would all be okay. It didn't need to be the best, but he could try.

**Author's Note:**

> I have Dysgraphia and only write as occupational therapy, so if you hated this that's okay, I hated it too.


End file.
